Pi's Discoveries about Fear

Over the next little bit I think I'll put quotes I find in books I'm reading, just as I think of and find them. Here's the 56th chapter from 'Life of Pi' about fear that I thought was particularly interesting:

I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.

Fear next turns fully to your body, which is already aware that something terribly wrong is going on. Already your lungs have flown away like a bird and your guts have slithered away like a snake. Now your tongue drops dead like an opossum, while your jaw begins to gallop on the spot. Your ears go deaf. Your muscles begin to shiver as if they had malaria and your knees to shake as though they were dancing. Your heart strains too hard, while your sphincter relaxes too much. And so with the rest of your body. Every part of you, in the manner most suited to it, falls apart. Only your eyes work well. They always pay proper attention to fear.

Quickly you make rash decisions. You dismiss your last allies: hope and trust. There, you've defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an impression, has triumphed over you.

The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.

Thanksgiving

As it is Thanksgiving it's of course appropriate that I post something on my blog about the holiday!

A short and not comprehensive list of some things I am grateful for, in no particular order:

• That yesterday my blog had no pageviews but for some reason today I have 47. Apparently all I really needed was to post a video of a car dance.
• That today when I was talking to my brother about Thanksgiving he said that it just felt like Sunday because it was pretty much the same thing. A big meal and spending time with family. 
• That one year ago I got home from my mission in Hungary to find myself shell-shocked and scared out of my mind. I actually had a dream last night that I was back there and while it was a little different because a bad guy was chasing after me it was still great to see the bridges again.
• That I have a family that makes me laugh and learn constantly. We're a group of very sarcastic people and it just never gets old. That makes it all the more meaningful when we also look out for each other and love each other. 
• That I have incredible friends that always know what to say. I can't tell you how many times I've needed to hear something or just needed specific company and just the right person pops up. Sometimes I wonder where these people come from. You know who you are. :)
• I'm grateful for good books that make you realize that the mind is limitless (Can you tell I just finished a great book today? "Life of Pi" is incredible).
• Good music that expresses exactly what you're feeling or what you would feel if you were a shameless celebrity.
• I'm grateful for prayers answered and prayers given. 
• And especially for this adorable fool who thinks she can ingest mashed potatoes through her nose (which, yes, technically she can):

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Sometimes You Just Need to Get In the Car...

and dance.

And that's exactly what Caitlan and I did.

There's another one but it's apparently too hot for 

blogger because it won't upload... which is a serious 

shame because it was a recreation of a song we did about 

5 years ago. I would just give up but it's Billy Ocean's

"Lover Boy"

I'll keep working on it.

P!nk. Hot Dang.

Ummmmm this is just incredible... how are stupid and not talented artists winning things when P!nk can fly around the stage and sing at the same time?

Was that Carly Jeppson at the end? What a contrast... 

Brandi Freakin' Carlile

Going to a Brandi Carlile concert on the 13th of December! 

SO EXCITED

!!!!!!!!!!!

We All Need A Good Finger Painting Sesh From Time To Time

As I was frantically finishing research papers and putting together a portfolio that I thought was due after Thanksgiving (turns out it's due right before... which is next week) Ben thought it would be a good idea to finger paint. 

And he was right.

The top row is my work. By way of clarification:

1) the first one came about when Ben said "I'll make one to celebrate our friendship" and I said "ok, me too!"

It's the "FUN" song from Sponge Bob captured in a picture. So no, it's doesn't say:

Friends

utme

NY thing

 It says: 

Friends
U+Me
NYTHING

2) The second picture was when Ben's sister said "You should draw a dinosaur, a pirate ship and a ninja army" but I'm sure you could tell that that's what it was anyway.

3) The third is when we decided to paint each other. I promised Ben amazing cheekbones and I think I delivered.

The bottom row belongs to Ben.

1) Remember that the first came from when he said "I'll make one to celebrate our friendship" It says:

Friends ~ Sort of

I like to think that's his way of telling me we'll be Best Friends Forever. A simple BFF would have sufficed, Ben.

2) The second was a potato, then a yam, then a mushroom, then a tree. He gave it everything he had.

3) And the third is me, of course. I don't know why it looks like my dog just died but he said it was a "Mona Lisa" smile. He also accidentally made parts of my hair green.

So if anyone is looking for an activity to do when you really need to

 be doing other things I strongly suggest finger painting!

Or blogging...

 I gotta go...

I Give In

Turpentine

Ok I've been trying to hold back on posting this song because it's so dang sad BUT I love Brandi Carlile and I love singing to this song so it shall be posted. I haven't actually listened to this version but this is what blogger offered me. 

What Starts With Percussion Tends to End in Crazy

Contribution from Ben:

"Modest Schmodest
Drummers Are Hottest"

Ok so Ben said this and I was all "What? Are drummers not modest?" and then he went on to explain that drummers may or may not be modest but the point is that modesty does not measure hotness as well as being a drummer does. 

Now he is contemplating making a shirt that says

Front of Shirt -> Modest is Hottest?

Top of back of Shirt -> Modest Schmodest.

Drummers are Hottest.
 

Bottom of Shirt -> A picture of a Flaming Drum Set
(To be designed) 

Anyway, this is how this conversation started/ the night went:

First, there was a percussion performance and Ben is an avid drummer
so we hopped over to see it

It was awesome and Ben pointed out some awesome things that I totally didn't

 understand so it made it more awesome.

But first we ran into these guys. 

And this is what happened after the show.

It turns out that they have an Andy Warhol exhibit going right now and I don't know what claim
Warhol has on silver balloons but this was our favorite part of the whole thing.
Video 1 is Ben emerging from his balloon cocoon. 

Video 2 is me displaying my amazing power over silver balloons.

 And this one was apparently me in my natural habitat.

Ben clarifies that this is not apparently my natural habitat it actually is.
"I've never seen you so free"

It was a good night! Now we'll finish it by watching "The Kite Runner" (which we were inspired to watch when I was looking up a movie for someone on Netflix and found a Bollywood called "Kites: Remix"... we just assumed it was a remix of The Kite Runner so we figured we should watch that one first

See how we came to that conclusion?

Relating Stuff to Life

So today I went climbing and I have to admit I felt pretty weak. I was tired, hungry and a little overwhelmed but really wanted to get on the wall. So I started with a good 5.9 to get warmed up, something that's usually easy and found myself thinking with every grip "you're going to fall".

But every single time I just put my hand out and pulled myself up. And I didn't fall, not even close. I could push more into the metaphor about how there was also someone belaying me so I couldn't fall but what really hit me was that I was stronger than I thought and as long as I kept going I could get to a place again where I could readjust and then push forward. It's so easy to underestimate your strength.

By the end of the day though, I had inched myself up a 10c with a little overhang so who knows what I'll be able to do when I feel better!

Remember, Remember the Fifth of November

A day late but still great! Since this is Ben's favorite movie it was super easy to get a hold of, so we just kicked back and enjoyed!

Some Spirichalness

So the other night I went to the MTC to help the Hungarian speaking missionaries practice and they gave us a nice lesson about what happened to the brother of Jared in the Book of Mormon (in Ether chapter 2 toward the end of the Book of Mormon). This is a very common story to those who read the Book of Mormon so me and the other person I was with were familiar with it but while it wasn't new, I did find a very interesting application for what the elders said.

In this part of the Book of Mormon a group of people were told by God that they need to build some barges and sail to a new area of land. The elders focused on the end of the chapter where the brother of Jared asks a few questions such as:

1) We've made these barges just like You said... but they are completely closed off, how are we going to be able to breathe?

And the Lord answers with "Put a hole in the top and bottom that can be closed off when you go under the water."

2) How are we going to steer the things?

Answer "I'll provide wind to give you a little push"

3) How will we see when it's all closed off?

Answer "What do you think we should do?"

This chapter is a really good depiction of different ways that God answers our prayers. Sometimes He just gives us the answer, sometimes He gives us a little push and sometimes He asks us to suggest some ideas. In all three cases He's always watching out for us but is still creative in how He helps us.

So the experience I related this to was when I was deciding to go on a mission. I knew from a pretty young age that I wanted to go but when the time came I realized that I hadn't really consulted God on it. I had the prospects of education, marriage and a mission in front of me and when I took these options to God I felt... nothing. I got no answer! I was SO frustrated! So I went ahead and put my papers in since it was what I wanted but still didn't know if it was what God wanted for me.

So a month or two after I get my call I'm still worried about my decision and am feeling no sort of peace about anything! Then one day a few friends and I were going to go to the Salt Lake City temple but it was closed for cleaning. So instead we went to the Joseph Smith Movie, a movie about the first prophet of God since the days of Jesus himself. Jesus Christ established His church and gave His power and authority to His apostles so the church could continue after His death. Unfortunately people that didn't accept Christ killed His apostles so that power and right to perform acts such as baptism was gone. Then when the world was ready, that power came back! It was restored by God and Jesus Christ through a man named Joseph Smith and this awesome movie is about Joseph's life. It's a really great movie and if you'd like to see it here it is!

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/film-about-joseph-smith-now-available-online

Anyway, so we go to see this and to be honest we had all seen it like 4 times but there's no harm in watching again! During part of the movie Joseph Smith is imprisoned falsely and is really poorly treated. The guards over him start to describe really horrendous things they have done to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Joseph Smith stands up and basically tells them that either they will stop talking or someone (whether it be Joseph or the guards) will "die this instant". It's a really awesome part of the movie, really powerful. And then in the next breath he says "The worth of every soul is great in the sight of God".

I just remember feeling this very powerful love and picturing the faces of the Hungarian people in my head. I could tell that this was not a command to go but instead a reason to. In essence, God gave me the wind. He gave me a little push but expected me to get out of the barge at the end of the trip and plant my feet firmly on the ground of my decision. I'm so grateful that He gave me that moment because it inspired me to go and have the incredible experience of serving people. It makes me think that maybe I need to look for times more often that are examples of when God has given me wind and let me take it from there.

Best Friends Know Exactly What You Need

I told Ben I was pretty down about 

something and this happened:

My favorite beverage, extra buttery popcorn and one of my favorite movies. Best friends know exactly what you need.

PARAGLIDING

So me and 2 of my best friends decided to go paragliding and it was awesome!

At first we were a little nervous but were too excited to back out!

And then we took of and it was the most graceful ride!

The view was incredible and the flight was so relaxing. 

The next air adventure will be skydiving!

Being the Apple That Didn't Fall Far From The Tree

And being really grateful that it didn't! I've decided that once a month I'm going to make a legitimate post about something important and the rest of the month I'll make little posts about little things that I just want to make sure to remember!

So it's now about that time for an actually important post and as I was thinking about what I could do a few topics came to mind. The others I'll maybe hold off on but one idea came to mind at a really random time so that probably means it's the best!

I was at work and talking to a supervisor about the kids and then he asked me to help him move some things around in the office so we went to work and in no time the whole office was in MUCH better shape. As I was rearranging things I realized how much I love my job (although rearranging the office may have made me think that since I couldn't actually DO my job at that time) and what brought me to that opportunity. Well to make a long story short it's having good parents that taught me good values, people skills and how to work.

So this month's post is about my parents

First we'll start with the Patriarch of the Family:

This is poppa Wright. To save on time and not make this a novel, I will pick 2 things about him that are amazing and explain them. 1) Respect 2) Understanding

1) Respect. My dad knows how to treat people well. He knows how to treat PEOPLE well (This is not alluding to how he treats the family pets). What I'm trying to explain is that my dad meets people and gives them a chance to show him who they really are before trying to label them. No matter your background, he's interested in the kind of person you are right then and how hard you've worked to get there. This also goes the other way where if you have an impressive title then my dad is still going to feel the same about you in spite of the title. My dad just respects good solid people because he is one!

2) Understanding. My dad and I think A LOT alike when it comes to problem solving and how people work. Because of this I always knew I could go to my dad, even when I did something dumb and talk it out with him. He could follow my logic and give me expert advice, knowing it would go well with how I think. 

This is mama Wright! The two things about my mom that are at the top of a long list of amazing things would be 1) Charity 2) Caring.

1) Charity- my mom is the most giving person I know. Whenever she sees a void that can be filled she fills it if she can! And if she can't she tries anyway! So many times I have come home and she has slipped me a 20 (with an appropriate "don't tell dad"), knowing I am a poor student always in need of cash. Even when it's something I don't need I end up with games and things "to play with my friends". My mom is just that thoughtful kind of person.

2) Caring- along with that she is constantly looking out for people. If you are under her radar then you have someone who really cares about you always thinking about you. I know this because I'm her daughter but if all the people that she is always worrying about knew how much she was doing behind the scenes for them then she would constantly be bombarded by "thank you"s! My mom is too modest to be in the limelight and she is the best example of quiet but impactful service that I have in my life.

So I have learned a lot from my parents and am SO lucky to have them! Hopefully I can someday successfully emulate all that my parents are but for now I can just be grateful and try my best!

Real Salt Lake

I went to my first pro soccer game! Bryan was nice enough to take me along and introduce me to the game. 

I made sure to tell him that I scored a goal in the last game of the little girl soccer league that I was in. Yes I played just like all the other little girls. So I knew everything about soccer... also I was the MVP of my 6th grade basketball team so I know everything about sports...

And THIS was the car ride up! It's at a weird angle because the camera was hidden but it turned out awesome! I had to wrestle the Ipod away from him and promise not to do anything irresponsible... my blog is very responsible.

Making a Real Change

I was reminded of the wise words of Elder Maxwell today about real change:

We tend to think only in terms of our endurance, but it is God’s patient long-suffering which provides us with our chances to improve, affording us urgently needed developmental space or time. (See Alma 42:4–5.)

Paul observed, “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness.” (Heb. 12:11.) Such “peaceable fruit” comes only in the appointed season thereof, after the blossoms and the buds.

Otherwise, if certain mortal experiences were cut short, it would be like pulling up a flower to see how the roots are doing. Put another way, too many anxious openings of the oven door, and the cake falls instead of rising. Moreover, enforced change usually does not last, while productive enduring can ingrain permanent change. (See Alma 32:13–16.)

Namaste

Yoga is awesome. It's this incredible thing that you think is just stretches (which are hard, don't get me wrong) but then it turns into a muscle building, patience exercising hour of awesomeness. The gym that I climb at offers it every night Monday through Thursday so you can just go when you can.

Funny quotes from our new bff, the yoga instructor:

(During a particularly hard pose) "You guys are all looking at me like you hate me"

"Ok now we'll do that 10 more times... just kidding we're only doing it 2 more times"

"Yeah it's nice to have guys come actually for the yoga and not just to pick up on chicks. Or wait, is that why you guys are here?"

Yoga is such a good combination of stretching, muscle working and resting without really resting. I recommend it!

Adventure Documentation

Bryan and I decided to go for a little motor cycle ride and ended up hiking through Squaw Peak. No, we weren't wearing the appropriate shoes and yes he is wearing a suit style jacket. Adventure Time!

Guru

Greater love hath no woman than this, 

that a woman bring back a Guru for her friend.

Autumn Papritz brought back this TREASURE! I once ate 12 of these in a week. I started keeping a little spot in my planner for Gurus eaten. It was alongside "lessons, progressing investigators, etc." When something's important you keep record of it.

Some People Spear Fish

This is John. He spears fish. Big fish. I felt cooler after

 having met him so this is why he has made the blog. 

Some good old Sara lyrics never hurt anyone:

I'm gonna lose my mind and sail the ocean.

'Cause somebody told me there were

Cherry blue skies

I'm gonna fix my mind with a final destination

And have a deep sleep upon a sweet dream

My Life Lately

Remember that one time when I was so determined to keep a blog and then didn't write for like 2 or 3 months? Well I'm repenting of my ways and am hoping to keep up a little better from now on! The whole idea behind the blog was "well I'm not good at taking pictures or writing things down but maybe I'll be good at blogging!" SUPER not logical!

But here's my life lately:

I started working at Slate Canyon Detention Center which has definitely kept me busy! I'm there about 30 hours a week on average but it's on call so it can fluctuate. I work mainly with the boys right now and make sure they're being safe, not hurting anyone (including themselves) and help them sit down and talk things out when they need it. They are really hilarious. I don't think a day goes by that one doesn't say something that has me laughing uncontrollably! They're sweet kids, just have done some not so constructive things... and it's great because they are the kinds of kids I want to work with in the future!

I've never taken a picture in Slate but here's a picture I found online. There are core values posted on the wall to remind the kids of the things they're there to learn and then there's a kid going into a cell.

Then there's school! I'll be finishing up my Bachelor's in Human Development in June! I'm thinking I'll take a year off to make money and gain some more experience and then jump into a Master's of Social Work! That's the plan (cross your fingers that it actually happens!)

Then there's play- Just a couple fun things:

This is Autumn STRAIGHT off the mission!
Like I took this in the airport!

So in June one of my best friend's officially made it back from her mission. What's cool is that Autumn and I became friends ON the mission, she was the last companion I ever had and I was so lucky to have her before I left. An eternal friendship was formed and we're making all kinds of fun plans including paragliding, traveling and what we're gonna do when we're old ladies still causing trouble! I was able to fly up (BIG shout out to Autumn's mom for making that possible!) and be there for when she got off the plane!

So I'm just kind of pulling pictures off my phone and using them to remind me of the fun things I've done! Ironically now that school has started I can have way more fun because I went from working 60- 70 hour weeks to 30 hour weeks + school... life is crazy!  But one day I was talking to my awesome friend Nadine and she said "Hey wanna go to Lagoon for free on Friday?" and I said "Yes!" so we hopped in the car that Friday and gave Lagoon a visit! Neither of us had been there in years so we just ran around hopping on rides and enjoying the free food Nu Skin provided! 

Nadine and I on the train to go through the zoo!

Bryan and I enjoying the scenery!

THEN just a few days ago I was thinking- I need to do something I haven't done before... ride a motorcycle? And literally the next day I get a gchat from my friend Bryan that went like this:

Bryan: Hey, how's it going?
Me: Good! How are you? I haven't heard from you in months!

Bryan: I'm good, I always have my motorcycle!
Me: Yes... about that...

A nice little waterfall we stopped at

And then he was nice enough to take me on a ride through the Alpine Loop. It was BEAUTIFUL! It was so nice to just ride around and enjoy the fresh air and not be in town for a little bit. It was kind of hard to come back after such a beautiful ride...

Bryan took a couple awesome panorama shots. I couldn't believe all the color! It was really beautiful.

I look kind of intense because
1) I had been trying to dodge the picture and
2) Because I'm really intense

Other than that I've just been kickin' around- moved into the new place, got back into rock climbing (so if anyone ever wants to go give me a call) and have been able to catch up with some really awesome people! I feel like I've done more but either I'm wrong or I really am just that bad at documenting things, and it really could be either...

As for right now I'm kind of working on a bucket list so if anyone has suggestions please post below! Things in the works are : Learn to scuba dive, paraglide, learn Spanish, make a dress, white water rafting, run... something that's a little more feasible than a marathon,... if you can think of anything help me out!

So a new goal will be to update this a little more (more for my sake than for anyone else's) but that's my life lately!

Handing A Little More of My Life Over to Technology

First, I just want to say that I know it looks like I haven't blogged in a while but I've been working on setting up other pages of the blog like BOOKS and DREAMS so I'm not slackin'!

So moving on to today's post: it's really about realization!

What I've realized lately is that there are so many resources available to me that I am not using. Things that could really help me not only get organized but organize the way I want!

1) For example, despite popular belief, really I am an organized person BUT I hate when things get predictable! So I never set up a schedule to get organized regularly because I would rather not plan things out that are just going to get monotonous fast.

BUT I have found a solution! Google has pulled through for me again! I've started using Google calendar and mapping out my goals and what I want to accomplish while making sure that it's not too predictable and boring:

Check it out! The system works like this: I picked a few things that I want to make sure I get done on a regular basis as well as things that for sure happen on a regular basis.

Example of things that for sure happen: Work, having the chance to go to the Missionary Training Center and  talk to the missionaries who are going to Hungary soon, bills that need to be paid.

Example of things that I want to have happen regularly: Clean Room, Clean Bathroom, Balance Checkbook, Work on my English Class, BLOG! 

So I went ahead and put in the things that happen with or without me to remind me to do them (like giving my landlord money so she doesn't kick me out).

What I did with the things that I wanted to have happen was pick a starting day and then decided to do it every 5 days. That way a day never gets labeled as "Bathroom Day" because that would just be an injustice to any day of the week. I'm excited to give it a try!!!

2) I do WANT to take care of myself but I don't know how... but recently I was introduced to MyFitnessPal.com by my awesome friend Caitlan and it's a fantastic way to keep track of your fitness and motivate yourself to eat healthy foods and exercise. There's something about having a screen tell you that what you did that day made a difference. It can motivate you to do it again the next day!

It's great because you can create a profile, connect with other friends who are in the network (I have one friend... Caitlan...) and is basically either just a fitness journal and calculator at it's lowest function or a fitness support system at it's highest.

Here is an example of the many functions it is capable of! You input the food and it tracks things like Calories, Carbs, Fats and Protein. AND you can actually change those settings to keep track of other things such as vitamins and cholesterol.

You can even create a meal so you don't have to put in the same thing over and over again if you have a tendency to enjoy the same meal often. For example I recently created the "Mini Awesome Sandwich" which is made of many things like turkey, avocado, different kinds of cheeses etc. etc. and now I just go on and click "Mini Awesome Sandwich" and it loads all of that information for me! Which is good because I do eat that awesome sandwich pretty often!

Then there's of course the actual physical activity aspect of this fitness stuff... which is the hardest part for me but because of this site I'm able to find different ways that I can exercise for just a few minutes a day and actually feel like it's making a difference. My latest discovery is jump roping, which as it turns out burns 108 calories every 15 minutes at a slow pace! Who would have thought!

3) My 3rd and final discovery that I would like to share today is a resource I've found to help me get organized financially. It's called Mint.com

I am a super newbie when it comes to understanding finances, which is why I signed up for a free online course through BYU Independent Study and while exploring that wondered what free programs were available for actual budgeting. I did a little background check to make sure this site was secure and then got an account. It sounds like it's very basic but handy for someone with limited knowledge of how to handle finances. I've already been able to link my banking information, create an income and outcome chart and learn about how I can make and keep my money or even make it grow. With the online class and this resource combined I can tell I'm going to be quite a bit more organized from now on!

So that is my story about how I am getting myself organized! I didn't realize there could be so many resources right in front of me if I would just do a google search on them :) If anyone else is feeling a little unorganized I would highly suggest these tools and please let me know if you know of any more!

"Perfection"

So today's Realization has much to do with feelings common among the people around me. And I want to share my opinion. No better place to do that then in a blog post on a blog that has 5 followers (and I think a few have actually discontinued their accounts) but I will not be discouraged! Not that this is a particularly discouraging situation but there's something empowering in the phase "I will not be discouraged!" And while that has nothing to do with having a blog it has everything to do with today's post:

I just read part of this article:

http://www.lds.org/ensign/1986/08/i-have-a-question/i-have-a-question?lang=eng&query=broderick

While the entire thing is probably great I was really lured in by the question:

The Savior said that we should be perfect, even as he and our Father in Heaven are perfect. (See 3 Ne. 12:48.) Are we expected to achieve perfection in this life? If so, how can I avoid becoming discouraged with myself as I try to achieve it?

This is something I've mulled over in my mind over and over again and here are some things that I have come across in my casual studies:

1) To be perfect means to be "whole," not necessarily "without flaw".

2) God does not expect us to be perfect in this life.

3) Being on the correct path to perfection brings affirmation from people you trust.

4) "All have sinned, and come short of the glory of God" is an inspiring scripture.

But here is how I interpreted it whether I knew it or not:

1) To be on the right path to perfection is to feel whole as you are achieving perfection.

2) God expects you to be making pretty good head-way in this life on being perfect.

3) If I make my church leaders and parents proud of me then I'm achieving perfection.

4) In God's eyes I'm a project that is trying to deserve His patience.

As you can see there is often a disparity (you know you liked that Caitlan) between what I take in and what I process. But I am not at all under the impression that I am alone in this misunderstanding nor am I under the impression that this is a comprehensive list of common misconceptions.

Now I want to share some things from this article that opened my eyes just a little wider today and reminded me why the end goal of perfection is not a punishment for the imperfect but instead a feasible goal for those who are willing to follow the footsteps of those who have 1) commanded it and 2) done it before:

Perfect can also mean “having all flaws and errors removed.”

While I knew this, I didn't really know it because I know that repentance is a true principle that Jesus Christ taught, I didn't realize that the very definition of perfection was to repent. I knew that if we repent we can become perfect and that God has commanded us to repent... I just never realized that when He commanded us to be perfect it was nearly synonymous with the commandment to repent. Which for some reason seems much more possible.

 The Lord himself has warned us about being unrealistic in our expectations. To a young prophet, deeply contrite over losing 116 pages of sacred manuscript, the Lord said: “Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength.” (D&C 10:4.) 

Provided that you believe that Joseph Smith was a man of God (and the one person who reads this does) then it's a little easier to understand why this moment in Joseph Smith's life (http://mormon.org/restoration/) was particularly discouraging. He had openly disobeyed God and fell short of a much demanded "perfection". But God's counsel to him (although he was chastised) was to calm down and slow down. To breathe! How often do we think once we've realized that we've done wrong and sufficiently realized the weight of our error think "now I will take a moment to breathe and slow my pace a little bit." And how wise would our future actions be if we did?

I think this is long enough for today but there is so much more in that article that I may write more later! Either way I hope that messages like these make it out to more people more often so we can all confidently say "I will not be discouraged!" on our own personal and transcendental quest for perfection.

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From Salt Lake to Dunauj

So this post is to explain the reference in my last post to Viki.


The story starts in February of 2010. I have a mission call but am still all nervous about actually going and if it's the thing that God wants me to do. After so many unanswered prayers about whether or not I should go, I'm about at my wits end! A few friends and I went to Salt Lake and after finding out that the Salt Lake temple is closed we decide to go see The Joseph Smith movie. We'd each seen the movie at least 3 times but there was nothing else to do so we went!


Like I said I had seen it several times but this time something different happened. There's a part where the prophet, Joseph Smith, stands in chains and rebukes his guards for their disgusting language and boasting of horrible crimes they had committed, including the murdering of several Latter-day Saints on several occasions. He stands and tells them pretty clearly that they should stop talking or either they or he "will die that instant." That part is pretty dramatic and at that moment your a little caught up in his bravery but it's what he says next that caught my attention as well as my heart. It was something to the effect of:

The worth of every soul 

is great in the eyes of God.

At that moment I suddenly had the strongest experience with emotion I can remember having. Suddenly I could only think of Hungary and had a very distinct impression that the decision to go on a mission was mine but if I needed a reason, this was it. I could go tell people that they were worth an indescribable amount to their Father in Heaven.

Fast forward almost 2 years. I come to the end of my mission and honestly I feel like I've had a pretty great mission but as if I haven't really had an experience where I really helped someone understand that God loves them. I mean you have many experiences where that naturally comes and it's a great experience but I hadn't had a moment where it was very obvious that I was there to deliver this message. And that was fine, I just accepted that it had naturally been woven into my work, until I met Viki.

As I said before, Viki is an absolute sweetheart who's had her fair share of hardships. The Relief Society President asked us to meet with her and actually came herself. So the 4 of us sat down at a table and started to just chat. The RS president is really good with people and of course speaks Hungarian perfectly so she kind of led the lesson until a maintenance man wandered into the church building. She went to help him and my companion also went to help. This left me and Viki at the table.

As we started to talk she expressed feelings of distress at the idea that she was trying so hard but struggled so much. Eventually she told me that she was afraid that God wasn't happy with her. With all the missionary authority I had in me I told her that "[her] worth is great in the sight of God" (Doctrine and Covenants 18:10). I then explained a few thoughts that I had developed over the past two years from the time this idea first struck me. The feelings in the room were of confirmation that Viki was truly precious in the eyes of God. 

There is no soul that is not priceless to God. I know that because by all logic I shouldn't have even been in the area I was in when I talked to Viki, through a strange series of events we found ourselves together in a little room/ kitchen in a branch house in an obscure part of Europe helping each other understand that God was on our side and rooting for us. And if God is with us, who could be against us!

I'm Back!

So today is a day of celebration in terms of me posting on this blog for 2 reasons!


1) I haven't posted a thing in about 2 years...
2) Today is my 6 month mark of being back from my mission!


I decided to start blogging again because coming back from a mission is a little confusing and I need a way to organize the craziness that is in my mind. It's not even that what I'm thinking is so crazy, more that that it's running around in my head all crazy like.


So to start I decided to change the title of the blog from "A Day Without Laughter is a Day Wasted" to "A Day Without Realization is a Day Wasted" because while I greatly enjoy the contribution that Charlie Chaplin has made to the world and while what he said is true, I just think there is something more monumental than laughter on my mind lately.


I'm going to try to not make this too wordy because I know that I never read something long but at the same time it's been two years! 


So first of all, I served a mission and it was awesome. It was by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and pounded me into the ground but I took great comfort in the fact that the same Hand that broke me down is building me back up into something much more awesome. 


Don't get me wrong, a mission also brought a lot of joy and yes, laughter. The joy is eternal and often exactly what I needed to just get me through a difficult time. Here's what that looks like:




This is a picture of Zsofi, me and Lala in Szombathely.  


Ahhhhh this kind of happiness is the special kind that sticks with you forever. Zsofi is a hilarious investigator and Lala is one of my best friends in Hungary. She was baptized while I was in the MTC and is one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out! She helped me through some very difficult times and is still one of my best friends (I just wish she wasn't so far away!!!!)


And this:


is also what a mission is about. This is a picture of Dori getting ready to be baptized. Such a happy day! I remember when I first met Dori she didn't know if God existed and now she is the Young Women's President in Debrecen. I'm SO proud of her. I felt like my companion and I just became friends with her and then the Savior took over and God wrapped His arms around her.


And this:


is Viki. She's been a member for many years and has had her faith tried in many ways and has not given up. She moved to Dunauj while I was there and came to church and everything just fine and then the Relief Society President asks us to meet with her and she expressed some of the difficulties she'd been having. You would never think while talking to sweet Viki that she had a trouble in the world but she bore more than she let on. It was with Viki that I actually had the most remarkable experience of my mission. I'll dedicate my next post to that experience because I realize this is getting a bit long.


So I just wanted to share one experience from a few different aspects for a mission. The first was when I was new and met some great friends who built me up when I was low. The second was when I was able to see someone come unto Christ and the third was when a member taught me how God is aware of every one of us. All missionaries have many experiences like these in the 1 1/2 or 2 years they serve and I thought I'd just share a few of mine.


So YAY! It was awesome and now I've been back for 6 months! CRAZY!