2014- Looking like a great year!

So I wrote this first part on January 20th and had no idea how right I was!

January 20, 2014

I don't really have a topic but the point of this blog is to provide me with something that I can look back on and see what I've done with my life!

I'm finishing up applications for "the future things" and am feeling good about it! WHATEVER this year brings it's going to be awesome! I turn 25 in about a week and I feel like 25 is going to be a good age for me. I was always excited about being 24 and being 24 treated me very well! I had a lot of internship and volunteer opportunities to supplement my work and education experiences! I graduated! I became a Counselor I in the State of Utah! I applied/ am applying for "future stuff"! Next week I'll be able to rent a car if I need to!

So turning 25 is going to be great.

June 10, 2014

Well, needless to say, I was right! But I had no idea at the time what exactly I was right about! I had many, many plans that involved everything but what is actually happening! Marriage!

To this sexy beast!!

Now people keep asking me how we met so I thought I'd blog about it! Like I said earlier, this blog is to remind me of the great things that have happened in my life and Jeff fits perfectly into that title!

So Jeff and I met FIVE YEARS AGO!!! We let the ball drop roughly 7 million times but as our wedding song says "we finally got it all right" ( I Choose You- Sara Bareilles)!

The first time we met was over a corpse in the Anatomy Lab in 2009... I was wearing a shirt that says "Nerds Are Cool" on it and Jeff, feeling like he could relate to the idea, struck up a conversation. He invited me to a study group and after studying a few times together, finishing the class, and just overall enjoying each other's company...

... Nothing happened...

For about 4 months there as nothing until Jeff suddenly called me up and asked me on a date! We had a great time at the planetarium, played a little pool/air hockey at Fat Cats and then enjoyed malts at The Malt Shop! I remember thinking several times throughout the date about how great the conversation was, how much fun I was having and... How I was submitting the paperwork to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the next week!

So this awesomeness was going to have to wait.

Jeff and I ran into each other a few times before I left but with the mission on my mind and getting into Dental School on his, we parted ways! I didn't find out until years later but apparently Jeff wrote me a letter and just never sent it! 

So after a mission, 2 years of Dental School and an accumulation of interesting dating experiences gathered by each of us, it all came down to Easter Sunday, 2013.

A thoughtful status update popped up on my Facebook newsfeed, wishing everyone a Happy Easter from Jeff Holt! I remember seeing it and thinking "that was a nice guy." Admittedly, after having a crazy year of dating, I decided to take a hiatus and was right in the middle of this last year! But I figured the distance would be my buffer and that I had nothing to worry about! I had no idea what I as getting myself into :) in wrote him a little Facebook message that just said hello and that I hoped he was doing well! 

I was surprised to find that he even answered and I was impressed that instead of emailing he wanted to actually call! So we spent a few months talking a few times a week and when I say talking I mean our average was probably about 3 hours per conversation! We talked about everything from school to work to religion to skydiving! However, after a few months it became a little difficult to keep up this "whatever it was" and while we each wanted to talk a about dating, neither of us knew how to go about that!

So again... This was going to have to wait...

Over the next 6 months we both delved into school, work and the dating world in our respective states, chatting a little once or twice but eventually our worlds separated.

But not forever!!!

As the new year approached I sat down and made myself some goals. One of these goals was to really get back out in the dating world since I had kind of been in hiding while working full time and finishing my degree with a full load. 

So NEW YEARS EVE arrived, I stared at my list of goals and decided to check Facebook, as we all do when we need to stop thinking about something serious. And there I found a message from this REALLY nice guy that I hadn't heard from in several months! The message was simple, just an apology for disappearing and some well wishing, but I knew it was a sign!! 

So we wrote back and forth a time or two before I realized that we were going to hit the same road blocks as before. I also realized about two weeks into having my "get back into dating!" goal that I did not actually want to get back into dating. I suddenly remembered that dating is hard and that I had other options!

For example: I had submitted my applications for grad school and was waiting to find out if I would be starting a program in the Fall. After changing my mind about dating I also decided to submit an application for something that I wasn't planning on doing until after grad school, the Peace Corp! So after filling out an 8 hour application, going to a career fair to meet with an adviser, finding references and scheduling an interview... I got another email from Jeff. He would like to talk sometime like old times! 

Deciding that I had nothing to hide (I had done this once before when I had 4 months to still be in the dating world after receiving a mission call. You can only find yourself in trouble if you don't tell a guy you're leaving the country soon!) I told Jeff that I would love to and that I had some exciting news!

So once again it was looking like this was not going to happen...

Until something brilliant happened! I had only told 5 other people that I was signing up for the Peace Corps and 3 of those were references so the telling Jeff was something I really had to think about and I knew I was just protecting myself from getting attached to someone who may disappear but it had very much the opposite effect!

Jeff tells me this news made him realize that he had to get on it or I was going disappear again! Jeff decided to call, AND informed me that he was going to be coming to Provo to visit some old friends. While he did get to see some friends while he was in town, I found out later that he was mainly coming to see me, to find out once and for all what kind of match we would make :) 

An awesome match!! 

We had an awesome time snowshoeing, making dinner and playing games! The rest of the weekend was spent laughing, having fun and realizing that we are AWESOME together! And then the weekend came to an end... And Jeff had to go back to Denver.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I lack the virtue of patience. When I want to know something I ask. Like right that second. So on Sunday I knew that I didn't want to send this guy back to Denver a bachelor... But only if he agreed and the only way of knowing was to ask!

The plan was to have Jeff head back at about 4 PM on Sunday, so at about 8 PM, when we were still having fun, we decided to go for a walk. Here's the conversation that I planned out in my head:

Me: So, why are you still single? (I love shock value)

Jeff: Oh, I just haven't found what I'm looking for.

Me: Well how would you feel about not being single?

Jeff: I think that sounds like a great idea!

AND WE'RE DATING!!!

In my mind the conversation would take about 5 seconds. But here's how the conversation actually went:

Me: So, why are you still single?

Jeff: 10 minute explanation to basically say that he hadn't found what he was looking for.

Me: Ok, how would you like to not be single?

Jeff: 10 minute explanation to basically say that if he found someone who made it seem like it would be a good idea to be with them then he would. He just needs to find someone.

Me: Oooooooooook... (Contemplating my next move but I'm about to explode because I just want to know!) How about this someone (pointing to myself)?!

Jeff: Oooooooooooh! Hahaha yes, I think that sounds like a great idea!!

So after a half hour of working my way onto the topic I came out of it with a boyfriend!

And then about a half hour later I started freaking out wondering if this was all a good idea! That conversation went something like this:

Jeff: Is something wrong?

Me: Nooooooooo

Jeff: The look on your face says something is wrong...

*Jeff patiently listens while I freak out about nothing, lots of tears*

Jeff: Ok, well we've only been going for about a half hour... If you want we can still call things off...

Me: *sniffle* I don't think I want that.

Jeff: Ok, how about this: I promise to be careful with your heart if you promise to be careful with mine.

Me: *sniffle* Ok!

And then we went and watched a movie with some of my roommates and Jeff headed home! At like midnight...

Then there was a lot of google hanging out, phone calls and late nights since we we're both really busy during the day. I let the Peace Corps know that I needed to put my application on hold, let grad school know I was hopping states and by the end of April I was in a car with my best friend, all of my belongings AND a ring!!

The proposal is going to get its own post though because it was so awesome!!!

So now I'm a Denverite, planning a wedding and marrying my best friend!! Not what I would have told you was the plan if you had asked me on Christmas but definitely the best plan in the world. I can't believe how lucky I am to be with someone so sweet, thoughtful, smart, sarcastic and hardworking! We laugh more than is probably even healthy!! I share everything with this tall, dark and handsome fella and can't wait to build a future together :)

August 2nd!! 50 days!!!

A Recipe For Good Parenting...

...is going to look familiar to those who read the Doctrine and Covenants (A book of scripture from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints). For those who haven't read it; the section, or chapter, that I'm going to talk about really is a nice little reminder of how to succeed as a parent. Also, this stuff doesn't come from me, I wish I was this wise!

In the book of Doctrine and Covenants there is a section that is well known in its application to missionary work. That is: the work of sharing the knowledge that there is a God and that He is loving, caring and has a plan for His children. To learn more about that message here's a great link: http://www.lds.org. 

This post is about what that particular section says (Doctrine and Covenants Section 4). I'll provide a complete copy of the section at the end of the post. On here, I'll break it down by verse to show that this does not only apply to missionary work but also to parenting.

While serving a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I memorized this section and listened to its guidance to apply everything I have to finding people who were looking for God and desired to learn more about Him.

Though I am still ready and willing to speak to anyone looking to have an uplifting conversation about God's love, I now spend most of my time in a different environment. I work with at-risk youth, mostly girls, who struggle with drug abuse, the effects of sexual abuse, honesty, trust, perspective and a nearly endless list of other hardships. I work at a lock down facility and only see them within the walls of the facility, only in the clothing we give them and only as I am monitoring their every move. I've caught myself thinking "If only I was your therapist. We could work on things AND you would have a chance to apply it in your normal life, then come back and we could track your goals." I then found myself thinking "No, that wouldn't be enough, I wish I was there more, to actually see the application happen, like maybe a tracker caseworker or something" then I realized that that wouldn't be enough, I would want to be available at all times for the youth, see them in their difficult times and have my life organized to be available when I was needed.

I realized that I wanted to be their mom.

There are a few commonalities among the youth I work with and while it doesn't apply to every one of them, poor parenting (which doesn't have to be intentional; it can mean negligent parenting, ignorant parenting, lazy parenting) is a frequent factor in the path the youth have taken. Anything from abuse (emotional, physical, etc.), not following through on consequences given for inappropriate actions, actually supplying the material of weakness (drugs), etc. There are a lot of ways to set your child up for failure. Now I want to talk about what kind of parent it takes to set them up for success.

Doctrine and Covenants Section 4 is divided up into 7 verses. Verse 1 says:

 1 Now behold, a ^amarvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men.

What more marvelous work is there than to raise children? Nothing is more fascinating, challenging and impactful. From watching my sister and her husband raise my niece I am often marveled by what it takes and how huge an influence a parent has on a child. That girl will repeat ANYTHING she hears! Problem solving and parent conflict style are often passed down and become part of the identity of the child (http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com.erl.lib.byu.edu/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2012.01420.x/full) Every time another child is born another marvelous work begins and a new identity begins to build. 

 2 Therefore, O ye that embark in the ^aservice of God, see that ye^bserve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand ^cblameless before God at the last day.

If you have a child, planned or otherwise, and you plan to keep and raise that child, the lesson is quickly learned that the job is one that takes all of your heart, might, mind and strength. It is no easy task to raise a child. Knowing this, it is heart breaking to see parents who can't or aren't willing to give everything to their family. This does not mean to ignore yourself and your needs, but when deciding between sending your child to school or sending them to pick up your next fix, the priority needs to be clear. I particularly like the last part of this verse where it talks about standing blameless before God. This is also mentioned in another document released by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints called The Family: A Proclamation to the World (http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation). I believe that we will one day stand before God and be held accountable for the caliber of parent we were. By setting your children up for success you allow yourself to stand blameless before God at the last day. 

3 Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are ^acalled to the work;

 4 For behold the ^afield is white already to ^bharvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in ^cstore that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul;

If you desire to be a mother or father then you are called to do so, which is a nice thought. This, of course, may not mean with your own children, but addresses the influence you can have on the young people around you. They are FULL of potential and if you thrust in your sickle you will reap something spectacular. Spend time with them, encourage them, give them support to fall back on! By working to build the youth we build a better future, we are putting money in the bank and laying up in store, investing in salvation. 

5 And ^afaith, ^bhope, ^ccharity and ^dlove, with an ^eeye single to the ^fglory of God, ^gqualify him for the work.

 6 Remember faith, ^avirtue, knowledge, ^btemperance, ^cpatience,^dbrotherly ^ekindness, ^fgodliness, charity, ^ghumility, ^hdiligence.

It's hard to imagine ever being qualified to be a parent but it was also hard to imagine being qualified to be a missionary. You CANNOT be an effective parent without a belief that you will succeed. A lack of faith in your effectiveness as a parent leads to giving up and can lead to apathy. THAT can lead to a child not receiving the guidance and direction that they need, which leads to higher levels of distress (http://www.sciencedirect.com.erl.lib.byu.edu/science/article/pii/S0890856709607863). Truly believing that your child will succeed will inspire the desire for you to sacrifice for their potential, which is exactly what God's glory is: seeing His children succeed. Keep your eye on the ball! 

Verse 6 is a list of characteristics to focus on that will, in general, lead to you being a better person. I could spend pages breaking thee down and talking about how important these are but I know I'm already rambling. So I'll just talk about my favorites- knowledge and humility. 

Knowledge- If you do not educate yourself then you will be filled with fear when your child approaches you with something. If you have not thought about and learned about life, the way that it really is, then you will be useless or even damaging to your child. When your child comes to you because they need help with their math homework, you help them by gaining knowledge to solve their math problem. When your child comes to you because they are depressed, involved in drugs, addicted to pornography, you cannot answer with fear. You must become informed so that your natural reaction when your child comes to you with something hard- you answer that you love them, they don't need to be afraid, they are no less of a good person and that you and God still love them more than they can imagine. If you want to give your child power to overcome hardship you have to have power first- and knowledge is power!

Humility- Humility in parenting means realizing that you are not always right. A parents quickest weapon is to say "Go to your room!" and when asked "Why?!" the answer tends to be "Because I said so and I'm the parent." I'm not saying that this is always a horrible answer- you are the parent and you do have the authority. But the amount of humility it takes to stop and explain why you are upset and use this as a learning experience is invaluable. Every situation is different and should be handled differently, but I do believe that there are far more opportunities to teach than we realize. Humility also means knowing that even a perfect parent is not guaranteed to produce a perfect child. When a child begins to make poor decisions it is very easy to take the credit for those decisions. While parents have a HUGE influence on their children, they are not the only influence and should not take hardship as a sure sign of their failure as a parent. Give your heart, might, mind, and strength and know that perfection is not expected. Hardship comes so that we can learn and grow! It is not the sign of failure! Your sincere efforts to improve are what make you an amazing parent! You are doing great!

 7 ^aAsk, and ye shall receive; ^bknock, and it shall be opened unto you. Amen.

I hope that this verse gives hope to all parents. If you have questions- ask them. This is also related to my thoughts on knowledge. You can always ask, learn and grow. This does not always mean that when you ask what to do you will wake up to a manual about how to raise your child but when you ask, you learn, you grow and all sorts of doors are opened to you so that you and your family can learn and grow together.

I wanted to write this post because there are so many parents out there who feel like they have no guidance, they are guessing as they go. I love finding ways that God has tried to alleviate these stresses. The family is SO important to God and would never leave us without resources. He's given us a formula for success. And at the end of the day, the biggest lesson to learn is that God loves us SO dearly, He wants us to succeed. He wants us to become like Him and that means learning how to enjoy the journey of life, and learning from our hardships so that we can be loving, well-rounded and wise. Much like Him! Go love your kids!!!

Doctrine and Covenants Section 4

 1 Now behold, a ^amarvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men.

 2 Therefore, O ye that embark in the ^aservice of God, see that ye^bserve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand ^cblameless before God at the last day.

 3 Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are ^acalled to the work;

 4 For behold the ^afield is white already to ^bharvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in ^cstorethat he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul;

 5 And ^afaith, ^bhope, ^ccharity and ^dlove, with an ^eeye single to the^fglory of God, ^gqualify him for the work.

 6 Remember faith, ^avirtue, knowledge, ^btemperance, ^cpatience,^dbrotherly ^ekindness, ^fgodliness, charity, ^ghumility, ^hdiligence.

 7 ^aAsk, and ye shall receive; ^bknock, and it shall be opened unto you. Amen.

Doubt

Here's a post I've been adding to everyday for a few days, hopefully it makes sense!

So Ben and I watched the movie Doubt and it was fantastic. It epitomized a lot of what I feel. Not on it's most superficial level. Simply put: it's about a nun who suspects a priest of having an inappropriate relationship with a boy and it's all about her expression of absolute surety that he is guilty- she has no doubt. So I've never experienced that but there are things that can be pulled from the story.  

I love how they portray this woman. Sister Aloysius Beauvier (Yeah, I had to copy and paste it) is a nun and she's old school. She's played by Meryl Streep so you know it's done right and she demands action, discipline and rules with an iron fist. The juxtaposition between her and and Sister James, a young nun who also plays a large role in the movie, is hilarious and pointed. One character represents experience while the other represents "faith". I hesitate to use the word faith because our minds may go to an idea where faith is knowing something despite a lack of tangible evidence. The kind of faith that I'm talking about it believing something because it fits into our definition of "correct". 

For example: The timid red headed nun tries to rule her class with quiet instruction and trust, forgetting that she is in charge of a room full of kids. Sister Aloysius attempts to teach her a few tricks (putting a framed picture of the pope on the chalkboard so that she can look at the reflection and see what's going on behind her) and Sister James finds herself struggling to be demanding but loving. 

The director does a great job of showing that while Sister Aloysius is stubborn she is also caring. She secretly knows that one of the other nuns is going blind but keeps this a secret as the woman will be turned away if she's discovered. So see Sister Aloysius guide the poor nun's hand to locate utensils that are otherwise impossible for her to see. Despite being stern, Sister Aloysius is caring and smart with the issues in front of her.

*From here on out there may be major spoilers so you may want to watch the movie first!*

When Sister James is given reason to believe that Father Flynn has been inappropriate with one of the boys at the school she consults Sister Aloysius.The allegation is then taken to Father Flynn who not only denies the idea but gives an alternative explanation. Sister James is appeased, but Sister Aloysius is not. She continues to press and in a discussion between the two of them the idea that I was trying to express about faith comes out:

Sister James: I don't think Father Flynn did anything wrong.

Sister Aloysius Beauvier: You just want things to be resolved so you can have simplicity back.

I love it. She chances being wrong but that's not the point. She won't find out that she's wrong just because it's easier. If she's wrong she wants to know that she did everything she could to find out that she was wrong. No easy answers. 

I could go on and on about this and about a scene where Sister Aloysius is talking to the little boys mother but that's a different matter and this is already getting long.

So then there is the scene that breaks your heart *DEFINITE SPOILER ALERT*

In the final scene (when you already know that Sister Aloysius has been proven right) Sister James and Sister Aloysius have a very important conversation. Sister James asks if Sister Aloysius has proven his guilt and receives the answer that she has.  They discuss that not only has Father Flynn been moved but he's been promoted. Despite what they discovered about him he has moved up in the church. And After an entire movie about conviction, lack of doubt and absolute confidence Sister Aloysius breaks down into tears:

Sister Aloysius: Sister James...

Sister James: What is it, Sister?

Sister Aloysius: [crying] I have doubts. I have such doubts.

And you can feel her doubts in humanity stream out with her tears. A woman who has devoted herself to God and His church finds herself doubting what it is that she's devoted herself to as an establishment run by fallible men. How interesting.

Alright, back to business

Ok so I decided to do some writing to mission friends for this assignment! And then I tried journalling but this is more convenient right now! I've been just word vomiting this in 10 minute chunks for the past few days so I think it's time to wrap it up:

I'm in my Stats class and I'm bored, probably not because I understand things better than anyone else but more because I'm tired.

Today I thought I would write about the debate going on about women receiving the priesthood in the LDS church, more to make a record of my thoughts to look back on later than anything else.

When I first heard that this question was being raised I was extremely irritated. Not at the question but because the arguments I heard in favor of women with the priesthood were a little embarrassing. I came across a lot of false assumptions and putting words in God's mouth. For example, arguments such as "God wouldn't want me sitting in the back row while men were able to participate and make a difference" or "women need to be considered just as important as men and receiving the priesthood would be a big step" were statements that made me cringe. The priesthood is important but it is not the only important thing in the church.

But then I looked at some arguments against women being given the priesthood and felt equally embarrassed. "I think of the roles of men and women are not exactly the same but equally important in Heavenly Father's plan: women have the gift of bringing human spirits into this world, and men have the gift of bringing those spirits back to God." I agree that men and women are different and make different contributions to the world but defining these roles is extremely difficult. Referring to "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" a document written and released by the first presidency and apostles of the LDS church in 1995 there are certain roles that men and women tend to fill. I am NOT talking about the man in a business suit or the woman in the kitchen. I'm talking about how "fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." 

Mothers are more commonly sensitive to their child's needs and fathers are more commonly able to provide protection and stability for the family. Is this always true? From someone who often visits the homes of broken (in many ways) families, no. Sometimes it's dad who is able to nurture a child through a stressful experience and sometimes mom has to provide for and protect her family. Whether it is attributed to societal norms or genetic disposition, mothers and father do fulfill different needs. HOWEVER, a mother's main contribution is not made at birth. It is made in every moment of the child's life for their entire life. Ideally, dad is also present for the birth and while he didn't carry the baby for nine months he is also expected to fulfill the role of a father, whether he has the priesthood or not. There is no comparison between the two roles because they were not designed to be compared. Comparing is something human beings made out of their insecurities, it is my belief that God is above that. God discerns instead of compares. 

Anyway, then my thoughts took me to the blessings of the priesthood. It is true that a worthy priesthood holder can give blessings of comfort, healing and administering of the sacrament. I got a little hung up here until I realized that I have had just as many women sit across from me and speak the word of God as I have had men lay their hands on my head and say what God would have them say. I have begun to personally define the priesthood, not to make it more convenient for my life but to apply it to my life.

This is not the end of my thoughts but I should probably post something so my professor can see that I am writing everyday.