...is going to look familiar to those who read the Doctrine and
Covenants (A book of scripture from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints). For those who haven't read it; the section, or chapter, that I'm going to talk
about really is a nice little reminder of how to succeed as a parent. Also, this stuff doesn't come from me, I wish I was this wise!
In the book of Doctrine and Covenants there is a section that is
well known in its application to missionary work. That is: the work of sharing the
knowledge that there is a God and that He is loving, caring and has a plan for
His children. To learn more about that message here's a great link: http://www.lds.org.
This post is about what that particular section says (Doctrine and
Covenants Section 4). I'll provide a complete copy of the section at the end of the post. On here, I'll break it down by verse to show that this does not only apply to
missionary work but also to parenting.
While serving a full-time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-Day Saints I memorized this section and listened to its guidance to
apply everything I have to finding people who were looking for God and desired to learn
more about Him.
Though I am still ready and willing to speak to anyone looking to
have an uplifting conversation about God's love, I now spend most of my time in
a different environment. I work with at-risk youth, mostly girls, who struggle
with drug abuse, the effects of sexual abuse, honesty, trust, perspective and a nearly endless
list of other hardships. I work at a lock down facility and only see them
within the walls of the facility, only in the clothing we give them and only as I am
monitoring their every move. I've caught myself thinking "If only I was
your therapist. We could work on things AND you would have a chance to apply it
in your normal life, then come back and we could track your goals." I then
found myself thinking "No, that wouldn't be enough, I wish I was there
more, to actually see the application happen, like maybe a tracker caseworker or something"
then I realized that that wouldn't be enough, I would want to be available at
all times for the youth, see them in their difficult times and have my life
organized to be available when I was needed.
I realized that I wanted to be their mom.
There are a few commonalities among the youth I work with and while
it doesn't apply to every one of them, poor parenting (which doesn't have to be
intentional; it can mean negligent parenting, ignorant parenting, lazy parenting)
is a frequent factor in the path the youth have taken. Anything from abuse
(emotional, physical, etc.), not following through on consequences given for
inappropriate actions, actually supplying the material of weakness (drugs),
etc. There are a lot of ways to set your child up for failure. Now I want to
talk about what kind of parent it takes to set them up for success.
Doctrine and Covenants Section 4 is divided up into 7 verses.
Verse 1 says:
What more marvelous work is there than to raise children? Nothing
is more fascinating, challenging and impactful. From watching my sister and her husband
raise my niece I am often marveled by what it takes and how huge an influence a
parent has on a child. That girl will repeat ANYTHING she hears! Problem solving and parent conflict style are often
passed down and become part of the identity of the child (http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com.erl.lib.byu.edu/doi/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2012.01420.x/full) Every
time another child is born another marvelous work begins and a new identity
begins to build.
2 Therefore, O ye that
embark in the aservice of God, see that yebserve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength,
that ye may stand cblameless before God at the last day.
If you have a child, planned or otherwise, and you plan to
keep and raise that child, the lesson is quickly learned that the job is one
that takes all of your heart, might, mind and strength. It is no easy task to
raise a child. Knowing this, it is heart breaking to see parents who can't or
aren't willing to give everything to their family. This does not mean to ignore
yourself and your needs, but when deciding between sending your child to school
or sending them to pick up your next fix, the priority needs to be clear. I
particularly like the last part of this verse where it talks about standing
blameless before God. This is also mentioned in another document released by
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints called The Family: A
Proclamation to the World (http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation). I believe that we will one day stand before God and be held
accountable for the caliber of parent we were. By setting your children up for
success you allow yourself to stand blameless before God at the last day.
4 For
behold the afield is
white already to bharvest;
and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up
in cstore that
he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul;
If you desire to be a mother or father
then you are called to do so, which is a nice thought. This, of course, may not mean with your own children,
but addresses the influence you can have on the young people around you. They
are FULL of potential and if you thrust in your sickle you will reap something
spectacular. Spend time with them, encourage them, give them support to fall back on! By working to build the youth we build a better future, we are
putting money in the bank and laying up in store, investing in salvation.
5 And afaith, bhope, ccharity and dlove,
with an eeye single
to the fglory of
God, gqualify him
for the work.
6 Remember
faith, avirtue,
knowledge, btemperance, cpatience,dbrotherly ekindness, fgodliness,
charity, ghumility, hdiligence.
It's hard to imagine ever being
qualified to be a parent but it was also hard to imagine being qualified to be
a missionary. You CANNOT be an effective parent without a belief that you will
succeed. A lack of faith in your effectiveness as a parent leads to giving up and can lead to apathy. THAT can lead to a child not receiving the guidance and direction that they need,
which leads to higher levels of distress (http://www.sciencedirect.com.erl.lib.byu.edu/science/article/pii/S0890856709607863).
Truly believing that your child will succeed will inspire the desire for you to sacrifice
for their potential, which is exactly what God's glory is: seeing
His children succeed. Keep your eye on the ball!
Verse 6 is a list of characteristics to
focus on that will, in general, lead to you being a better person. I could
spend pages breaking thee down and talking about how important these are but I
know I'm already rambling. So I'll just talk about my favorites- knowledge and
humility.
Knowledge- If you do not educate
yourself then you will be filled with fear when your child approaches you with
something. If you have not thought about and learned about life, the way that
it really is, then you will be useless or even damaging to your child. When
your child comes to you because they need help with their math homework, you help them by
gaining knowledge to solve their math problem. When your child comes to you
because they are depressed, involved in drugs, addicted to pornography, you
cannot answer with fear. You must become informed so that your natural reaction
when your child comes to you with something hard- you answer that you love them, they don't
need to be afraid, they are no less of a good person and that you and God still love them more than they can imagine. If you want to give your child power to
overcome hardship you have to have power first- and knowledge is power!
Humility- Humility in parenting means
realizing that you are not always right. A parents quickest weapon is to say
"Go to your room!" and when asked "Why?!" the answer tends
to be "Because I said so and I'm the parent." I'm not saying that
this is always a horrible answer- you are the parent and you do have the
authority. But the amount of humility it takes to stop and explain why you are
upset and use this as a learning experience is invaluable. Every
situation is different and should be handled differently, but I do believe that
there are far more opportunities to teach than we realize. Humility also means
knowing that even a perfect parent is not guaranteed to produce a perfect
child. When a child begins to make poor decisions it is very easy to take the
credit for those decisions. While parents have a HUGE influence on their
children, they are not the only influence and should not take hardship as a
sure sign of their failure as a parent. Give your heart, might, mind, and
strength and know that perfection is not expected. Hardship comes so that we
can learn and grow! It is not the sign of failure! Your sincere efforts to improve are what make you an amazing parent! You are doing great!
I hope that this verse gives hope to all parents. If you have questions- ask them. This is also related to my thoughts on knowledge. You can always ask, learn and grow. This does not always mean that when you ask what to do you will wake up to a manual about how to raise your child but when you ask, you learn, you grow and all sorts of doors are opened to you so that you and your family can learn and grow together.
I wanted to write this post because
there are so many parents out there who feel like they have no guidance, they
are guessing as they go. I love finding ways that God has tried to alleviate
these stresses. The family is SO important to God and would never leave us
without resources. He's given us a formula for success. And at the end of the
day, the biggest lesson to learn is that God loves us SO dearly, He wants us to
succeed. He wants us to become like Him and that means learning how to enjoy
the journey of life, and learning from our hardships so that we can be loving,
well-rounded and wise. Much like Him! Go love your kids!!!
Doctrine and Covenants
Section 4
2 Therefore, O ye that embark in the aservice of
God, see that yebserve him
with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand cblameless before
God at the last day.
4 For behold the afield is
white already to bharvest;
and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up
in cstorethat
he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul;
5 And afaith, bhope, ccharity and dlove,
with an eeye single
to thefglory of
God, gqualify him
for the work.
6 Remember faith, avirtue,
knowledge, btemperance, cpatience,dbrotherly ekindness, fgodliness,
charity, ghumility, hdiligence.
