Wednesday, February 27, 2013

A Little Old But Still Good!

I have been super crappy at blogging this semester! But I really need to work on it because this is where I'm trying to keep fun things that I can look back on!

Well now I can blog something that happened a few months ago so I'm looking back on it as I'm blogging it but, hey, better late than never!

I apologize for the cookie dough we had obviously been eating but after coming across googly eyes in the store we really had no choice but to make our mouths into little people!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Yeah, I should be studying...

But i just took a test and while I do have another one tomorrow that will be harder I feel like I can celebrate the good grade I got on this one by letting myself blog a bit!

Today's blog will have another P!nk music video

I love P!nk

So when I found this new song she did with Nate Ruess I was all excited!

And then I watched it and was like "Oh man. They made a bad song" (Fantastic Mr. Fox reference)

And then I listened again because even if I thought some of the lyrics were kind of dumb, 
it is catchy, and there's no denying that.

And then I did this thing that I've gotten in the habit of doing with love songs 
where I pretend that they're not about love
(because yeah love songs are fun but there are so many of them and after a while, 
dissecting every song to mean 

"I love you and will do anything for you"

even in variation, gets pretty boring.).

So go ahead and listen once just for the experience:

Catchy but not really anything new, right?

Now I'll give you my new interpretation of it and maybe you can sympathize with the fact that I've listened to it at least 1000 times in the past 24 hours.

Yeah, I'm listening to it right now.

Just Give Me a Reason- according to Jessie Wright

So we all go though hard times, right? Some people may be nodding a little more furiously than others but we all do, to some degree. I picture this song is more for the people who have hit an 8 or 9 on the wow-that-was-so-hard-I-think-a-part-of-my-soul-just-broke-off-and-floated-away-o-meter. Some people will admit that they have not yet experienced something on that end of the scale but others know what I'm talking about and the "not romantic" interpretation of this song is for you!

So instead of P!nk and Nate singing to each other (She could snap him in half anyway, no matter how awesome he is : / although you may notice that he's not the guy she's making out with in the pool...) I imagine it as one person singing with their sanity. I use myself as an example in parts because I have had up close and personal, front row seats to my own experiences but I'm sure this generalizes.

Here are the lyrics, I'll just break them down (My thoughts will be in p!nk):

Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep oh oh
Things you never say to me oh oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love

So I love logic, I love feeling like I know what's going on, that I'm making an educated decision about things and that I have good judgement about something. In a way this can be defined as being "addicted to my sanity". I get a rush from being sane.

As a kid and in high school people always used to tell me that I have such a good head on my shoulders and that I had this gift for thinking clearly. My sanity and I became very close friends, when I struggled my sanity could fix it because together we could find logic and reason. (I guess this would be during times of lower level difficulty)

But during those really intense times sanity begins to betray us as a particularly difficult "growing experience" begins. In my experience it can begin telling me things I don't understand or want to hear because as most people know, when we pass about a 7 on our difficulty meter you begin to disagree with logic, reason and belief (if you don't lose them all together).

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

And then we reach this point (generally near the end) where we've just about overcome our difficulty and things are hard but it's more of a residual effect. We feel like we're past it enough to at least try to reason with reason again and try to learn to work with our sanity! We can turn to it and say "hey, just give me a reason to try with you again, just a little one's enough!" We may be almost certain that our relationship was broken (even for years at a time) but at this point we have enough clarity and can now see that it's just bent and we can forgive each other learn to work together again.

I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah but this is happenin')
You've been havin' real bad dreams oh oh
You used to lie so close to me oh oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh our love, our love

Is this not exactly the argument we have in our heads with ourselves often? There's a part of us saying "hey, everything's fine, I don't even know why you're freaking out" and you (a small voice in the background) are saying "everything was fine! Why are things changing?! And yeah, things may SEEM ok but THIS is still happening!" and slowly but surely you and your sanity drift apart.

Oh tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Here are all the coping mechanisms we try to fill that void with (where our sanity used to be)! We cry until we can't cry anymore and just rust up, we think we can fix everything by ourselves and the relationship between us and our sanity collects dust as we abandon it. We hold things in and turn to whatever we need to to feel grounded, things we never thought we would. But nothing is as bad as it seems or at least it won't be that bad forever because eventually we come clean and ask for even the littlest bit of hope at that friendship with our sane mind to be straightened out.

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

And eventually it comes. That reason to see that we're not permanently severed from our sanity but that the relationship has just been bent up. We're destined to work well together! It's been written in the scars on our hearts (yes, what I find to be the dumbest lyric in the song) but while i don't believe in soul mates or that we are destined to find a certain person to love, I do believe that we are destined to figure ourselves out. It's our whole reason for being here! Become friends with ourselves, learn to love ourselves. THAT is something that I know is everyone is destined to discover.

We just need a little reason to do it.

Friday, February 1, 2013

One Month into 2013!

Oh my word life is so busy.

But with a bunch of good things!

First work is still going really well. Working on-call is really annoying sometimes but it feels good to go to work and feel like you're on the way to what you want to be. The kids are so funny, though troubled and it's fun to build those relationships. People are so cool and have so many different levels and dimensions and by going and working with troubled youth I get to hear and see the whole spectrum of human emotion.

AND THEN I had a training for a week that took me out of school and my internship for work where I was taught how to take down a resident, should the need arise. It was 40 hours of being thrown around and throwing people around and in the end I was officially certified! I got a certificate and everything!

Then there's the internship: I get to go out with a case worker and meet with the kids in their homes, group homes or wherever they are placed, see how they're doing and talk over options for them in the future. It's amazing the millions of different things that go into youth making something of themselves. And I get to see it! It's been great to learn about what options are available to them. It's really helping me figure out what I what to do in the future.

And then there's school. Which sometimes I forget I'm doing because everything else pulls me away! but thus far I'm doing well so that's good since I'm jussaboutdone!

Well... this was going to turn into an actually interesting post but I am TIRED!

So an update of the actually fun things I've been doing will come soon!

... to be continued...