Yeah, ok!

So I can ALMOST say I go into the MTC this month! Two more days and you better believe that'll be my facebook status. So this post is dedicated to the reasons I have decided that it was a blessing for me to be here the past few months. I really, honestly thought that I would be leaving mid March MAYBE. Like AT THE LATEST. Like I actually thought mid February was a pretty good guess. So having my entry date so late was kind of torture. BUT I've decided to post about the reasons why it maybe wasn't so bad that I was left in Provo to rot and die (or so it seemed). And here is my list:

1) First I really needed to get a grip on what was happening. I needed to wrap my brain around what a full-time mission actually is. I love lists so here are some lists of things that I've found a mission is not by talking to some returned guys and girls:
      a) It is not a time to prove that you are awesome. You're kind of worthless unless you are willing to accept that while you are awesome it's not your awesomeness that's doing the trick. You are the instrument. Let The One with the real wisdom use you accordingly.
      b) A mission is not a walk in the park. You'll want to give up sometimes. That's fine.
      c) A mission is not a time to enforce everything you've ever believed to be true. The gospel's great, it answers all of my questions. So now it's time to let it answer other people's questions even if it's not exactly the way I want things to go.
Here is a list of things that a mission is:
      a) A mission is a time to let yourself work with other people and change. Become flexible.
      b) A mission is a time to learn to depend entirely on our Heavenly Father. Let yourself go and open your mouth.
      c) A mission is a time to realize the importance of people you didn't even know existed and tell them about it.

2) I needed to stay in Provo to sort out a few situations with people. I really needed to learn to work harder when needed but also to let go when needed. There were a few friendships that I realized really do mean a lot to me and that I needed to work a little harder to show those people that I care. And, though it's sad, there were also a friendships that I needed to face the facts about. I needed to realize that your friends should build you up in all situations. Not just when it's convenient for them or when it will benefit them. And building you up doesn't mean be on your side with everything but when you are on the same side you're happy for each other and when you're not you accept the difference and move on.

3) I needed to learn to recognize when I'm being jerked around by life and when I'm jerking myself around. I've had a lot of scares through this whole process. Everything from "Can I do this?" to "What the *swear word* am I going to do when I get back?" These are very stressful situations and basically I learned that when the conflict is internal you need to give yourself the benefit of the doubt. You can do it. And when it's external that means that you aren't even completely in control of the situation, there's some other party that is contributing (making it an external conflict) so just do your part and know that you'll survive. Basically no matter who I was being jerked around by I needed to step back and realize that I'm doing just fine. Since when has every move I make been so big? Turns out never...

4) I needed to learn why I want to do this whole mission thing. I had some good reasons before but I learned more about why I want this after my mission call came than I ever realized before. The number one reason on my list relates to an experience I had in Salt Lake a few months ago about the worth of every soul and I would share it here but I just found out that my farewell in Provo's topic is "The Worth of Souls" and just about died at how amazingly perfect that is. So I'll save that story for then and for now just say that there are some Hungarians who are about to find out what Heavenly Father thinks of them.

5) Also, I kind of die a little bit in the winter and come back to life in the summer so it's actually awesome that I'm starting possibly the most difficult thing of my life at the most beautiful time of the year!

So that's all I have time for. I'll just post this (mainly because I just added a short but sweet play list to my blog and want you to hear it as you read) but this is also me admitting defeat to the fact that the past few months have been CRAZY but oh so worth it.